Grandparents. There are many emotions and memories this word or combination of words evoke. But mostly the association is with warmth, care, indulgence, great food and innumerable stories. My brother and I had the good fortune of having both sets of our grandparents around till 2013. I spent the first ten years of my life in a joint family with my paternal grandparents and as the only granddaughter, I was my Ajoba's pet. We visited my mother's parents only once a year since during the summer vacations but the time we spent with them was precious. My Dada (maternal grandfather)was an extremely intelligent and well-read man and he used to keep his two pesky grandchildren occupied with stories of Mirza the magician, a man and his adventures he made up on an everyday basis. I understand now that this was also to make sure my mother could perhaps take a shower or eat her breakfast in peace.
My grandfathers were both adventurous men. They moved out of their comfort zones and followed their passion where it took them. In many ways, theirs was an immigrant's journey as well, though within the country. Choosing locations like Baroda and Chennai, they took a risk and made a wonderful life for themselves and subsequently for all of us. From my grandmothers, I inherited a strong will, fierce independence, and a love for language and writing. Both these formidable women married loving but demanding men, then moved several kilometres from their maternal homes into unfamiliar territories where they didn't speak the language or know a soul. But much like so many of us expat wives and mothers today, they created a life, raised a family and carved an identity for themselves, writing and setting up entrepreneurial ventures of their own. Unknowingly, they were 'leaning in' on their own terms much much before the phrase was even coined.
When I got into filmmaking in college, my paternal grandfather and I used to spend a lot of time talking about old Hollywood movies that he saw as a young man. A huge movie buff, he created a collection of DVD's for me to watch with all his favourites and it remains one of my most precious possessions. As we grew older and went from school to college and then took up jobs, my grandparents tried their best to find ways to remain connected to us. My paternal grandmother has a Facebook account now and sends me whats app messages about the articles I write, which I find very cool and inspirational. My mother's parents were very curious about my field of work and always had a million questions about television and filmmaking whenever I visited them in Pune. Their obvious pride in my choice of career and their belief in the importance of a woman being educated meant a lot to me.
Another important role grandparents play is offering a cultural bedrock. Though we grew up in Chennai, far away from Maharashtra where we are originally from, growing up with my grandparents meant that we made real connections to our roots, traditions and language. Celebrating festivals like Ganesh Chaturthi, learning the aarti, making modaks, celebrating Diwali and Gudi Padwa, and even getting a good grasp on our mother tongue was all made possible by the fact that we had our grandparents around. Having grown up in Mumbai and Pune and in joint families themselves, it was very organic for them to pass on the traditions and values that have held generations of our family together. I see that happening with my own daughter now. Last year my in-laws came to Singapore to celebrate Diwali with us and it was wonderful to see my daughter participate and see how we made a rangoli, lit lamps and did the Lakshmi pooja as a part of the celebrations.
As the world gets more and more homogenous with technology and urbanisation, it's important for a child to know where he/she comes from, and use that history and canon of values to carve his/ her own identity. Thanks to smartphones, the internet and gadget-friendly grandpas and grandmas, keeping in touch is becoming easier today. We call them regularly on Facetime and share tons of pictures. We also make it a point to show our daughter their photographs so that she remembers them and her bond with them. We also make sure we plan at least one visit a year to Chennai and Mumbai when she gets to spend lots of quality time with her ajis and ajobas and the extended family.
This picture below is from when our daughter turned a year old. We had my parents and in-laws over and my aunt in law who is like a second mother to my husband. It was a wonderful week where the whole family spent time together, ate, drank and made merry, and participated in a huge milestone for their children. It's a precious memory that we will treasure, and our daughter is a lucky little girl indeed for having so many loving people in her life.
There is so much perhaps that I have not been able to say that I will remember later but there is a point I want to mention. I have realised from my own experiences and that of my parents, that the only point of friction when it comes to grandparents and grandchildren is the clash between pampering and prudence. While grandparents are more indulgent; perhaps because in retrospect they feel guilty about being tough on their own kids or because the pressure is off with the third generation, it's important for a child to know that his/her caregivers are on the same page when it comes to things that really matter. Raising a child requires affection and admonition as the situation demands, and while making a suggestion or offering a different perspective in the child's absence is welcome, contradicting the parent's stand directly and in the presence of the child is not desirable. This undermines the parents and gives the child no clear understanding of whether his/her actions were right or wrong.
But apart from this niggle, the bond you share with your grandparents is unique, and I often think of it as a cosy, familiar blanket that should not be washed often. It's a little old, it looks nothing like the blankets of today, but there is a deep familiarity and comfort there that no amount of money can buy.
Got a story to share with us about staying connected with grandparents? Hop on this blog train where some wonderful mom bloggers will share their views on this topic and relive your childhood again.
This blog post is part of the blog train hosted by Pooja Kawatra from mumsandbabies. I am thankful to Manvi Kalra from thesimplemumma for introducing me and I now invite Rashmi Chand from notjustmommying to continue this blog train.
A hospitality professional and educator turned blogger. A proud cloth-diapering, co-sleeping, breastfeeding and babywearing mom. She writes in an attempt to make mommying simpler for other new moms. Though a caring mommy to her baby she's NotJustMommying
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