Pretty is pretty overrated

Dear Aadu,

Last Friday, I saw a movie all by myself at 10.45 am. Yes, you read that right. One of the advantages of being kicked out a job and being completely unwanted in the professional world for any kind of job is that you get to watch a movie first thing in the morning. I had been feeling restless all week, nursing a writing block and not being able to come up with anything great. Then I saw myself slowly beginning to slide into the my-doors-are-always-open pity party that I let myself wallow in for almost a year. I was not going to let that happen. So, I decided it was time to shake things up a little. Find some creative inspiration, watch a movie about a chubby girl Renee (Amy Schumer) who after an unfortunate accident and starts finding her reflection bikini model hot. I loved the idea. As a permanently chubby girl, I have also had such dreams. I have also secretly wished for the stomach flu like Emily Blunt in the Devil Wears Prada to lose a couple of quick kilos.

Still from I Feel Pretty

Renee, an executive with a beauty company, has only one dream, as she heartbreakingly tells a skinny woman in a store, “to be undeniably beautiful”.

Determined to get thinner to be able to work at their HQ as a receptionist, Renee decides to join a spin class. Just as she is getting into the groove, she meets with a nasty bump on the head. When she wakes up, her vision of herself has been modified. Suddenly she can see herself the way she has always wanted to. Thin, with toned thighs, flats abs and triceps that do not wave goodbye when she does. In reality, nothing has changed except the way she views herself.

But this concussion and the belief that she is now ‘beautiful’ help her soar. Instead of merely existing in the margins of self-conscious awkwardness, she actually starts living. She looks at herself with love, eats what she wants, finally applies for that dream job, picks up the courage to speak her mind and demand a space in the world that she has tried to stay invisible in for years. She even enters a bikini contest, dances in abandon and picks up a guy at a dry cleaner who is completely smitten by her personality and positive attitude.

I had a little brain altering moment of my own as well. When the movie began and I saw the actress hide literally and otherwise in a basement doing a dead-end job, or behind layers of Spanx and self-loathing, my first reaction was, but she is not fat… what is she so upset about? That’s when the profound realization struck me. Fat or fatter is entirely a matter of perception. To a woman who weighs 300 pounds, I may seem a desirable size or even thin, to me a woman at 120 pounds will seem gorgeous. Circumference and confidence are not inversely proportional.

While we were laughing in the audience at Renee’s antics as a supposedly thin woman, it was also deeply insightful into how people who are not conventional looking hold themselves back from living completely. Reflections become resumes, and mirrors are the gateway to self-loathing and shame. There is also the assumption that those who fit into the mould of physical acceptability must have no reasons to be unhappy. This is deeply unfair to them too. This idea is reinstated in the movie using multiple examples of women who are unhappy with themselves for various reasons. The ideal CEO has a shrill voice that she is mortified about, while the thin girl in the gym whom Renee idolizes tells her she got dumped for not being good enough.

It was also painful to realise how casually cruel the world is to women and women are to each other. From a rude visitor who thinks Renee is too plump to be a receptionist at a beauty company, a shop attendant telling Renee that her size of clothing is best searched for online, to a brother who calls his sister’s eyes bulging almost as if shaming her was a matter of habit… At every step, we see women being wounded with words, looks and stereotypes, and the constant pressure of achieving this elusive version of themselves who will finally allow them to be happy.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not writing the overweight person’s manifesto here. But do we have to be trapped in coordinates of 32-26-34 and stay adrift in shame and misery? It is crucial to eat a healthy diet, and workout regularly to keep lifestyle diseases at bay and your hormones functioning normally. While it is crucial that we don’t normalize obesity under the garb of embracing your body, it’s even more important that we don’t have such standardized definitions of beauty that divide the world into the have’s and have-nots of ideal appearances.

How do I know this? Because your mother has been called Jayalalitha, told that her arrival was given away by the earth shaking, and been rejected by a boy whose mother wasn’t satisfied with my BMI. Yes, she actually had a discussion with my mother about how I would be unacceptably fat after I had kids given my current weight. The world is full of assholes who will drag you down, and make you want to feel like shit. But please don’t become a hamster running around in a wheel of negativity. Every time you feel like hating yourself or telling yourself that you aren’t good enough, stop and ask…would you be so cruel to another person? Would you make them stand in front of a mirror and point out their every flaw? Would you tell someone that they weren’t pretty enough to deserve success, love and dignity? No? then why are you doing it to yourself?

I don’t know whom you are going to look like when you grow up and how you will wear your hair, do your makeup or like to dress. But I do hope that you always accessorize your appearance with confidence, a smile, and the belief that the way you look should not turn you myopic towards your dreams and vision for yourself.

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