The buck who belled the Bhai

I always thought that moving homes was going to be easy for me. After all I had shifted twice in Mumbai and packed my stuff umpteen number of times in Symbiosis and when we kept moving homes in Mumbai. However this time around the feeling is different. This time around as I pack my belongings I feel like I am letting go of something precious and invaluable. I never thought of myself as someone who was very house proud-I never spent hours in the kitchen. I used to be annoyed at the thought of cooking and keeping a tab of work to be done around the house. Keeping surfaces dust free annoyed the hell out of me. I wanted to work and I honestly felt sometimes that it was unfair to expect that I would be a marvel at house keeping simply by the virtue of being of a woman. But all that changed when we decided to move to Singapore. I think for the longest time, I was living in some sort of psychological denial where I used to keep telling the world that we were going but never really made the effort to pack or get anything going simply because somewhere in my head I could not believe that I had to leave my life as I know it behind and start all over again. I think I am getting old now. Or I have lived in and out of suitcases for too long. For a very long time my life has been in periods of temporariness. When I was in Pune I knew that it was matter of two years and time flew by. When I moved to Mumbai too I knew that I was not going to live for ever with my dear roomies..though I sometimes wish women could live with a husband and a girlfriend..lol.. within Mumbai we shifted homes since drunk people in our society felt that we were running a mini brothel and cast baseless aspersions on our morally unsound characters. When you are single, and living the bachelor life with a slight hangover of rebellion all these hurdles seem a walk in the park. But marriage forces you to grow up-be wise and wonderful and while that does not mean its an institution that fosters boredom it seems to encourage that we get into habits and find love in the familiar and hence comforting. Perhaps that's why when I finally acknowledged that I did have to pack my bags yet again, this time possibly for good I began to feel a peculiar discomfort within me. After all Mr. D and me had put this home together piece by piece-from choosing the paints and tiles to saving up and buying individual pieces of furniture for each room; this home was a labor of love and a witness to the way our relationship also strengthened over the months. Every corner seems to have a story, every nook and cranny a memory. I sometimes feel like too much is being asked of me and I begin to feel like a victim. I long to wallow in self pity and feel miserable. I never thought I was the selfish, petty or unreasonable kind but these days everything that I need to leave behind, or give up makes me angry and irritable. I think these reactions are my vain attempt to hold on to something familiar and personal but the harder I try the faster time seems to be flying by and my life of the past one and a half year is getting packed into suitcases and cartons. I know the wise men said that the only thing thing constant in life is change but hey they just said the wise thing and their job was done. Mr. D and me thought of this wonderful theory once where we said the future is already happening somewhere in this space time continuum blah business cause if the future didn't exist already what are we moving into second by second. Somewhere in Japan this part of this day in the universe is already over, they have lived the future while we are getting there with ours. If this is true then I would have loved to take a sneak peek and gotten a heads up on this move abroad several months in advance. Mr. D and me had also rather prophetic conversation some months ago and cheerfully discussed that if one of us got the chance to work abroad for a few years it would something fun that we would be excited about. But dreaming it and dealing with it are two completely different things. The thought of leaving behind my family, my career in India-which btw is not something I do to keep myself occupied thank you very much- and this life I built with the man I love is making me feel like what someone feels after getting dumped-heartbroken and restless. I know that a shift to Singapore is something new and exciting, we will get to live a different life, and travel around the world but just sometimes I wish we could have both. So dear house, I know you are technically non living and all that but I just want to say that it is breaking my heart to leave you. I have never spent so many tears over a human being I think-I cant bear the thought of leaving you behind, almost like I am orphaning you, knowing perhaps that I may never see you again. Just so you know and if things like vibes and energies exist that the time I spent within your walls were some of the best moments of my life. If walls could speak you would tell a fine story of a young couple who learned to love and live together, where friends and family were welcome, where the young and the old felt happy. You are our first home and will always be. No matter how rich we get and what luxuries we can buy or how big the size of our future homes may be, the time I spent with you will always be the most special and prized. Thank you for bringing so much happiness into our lives, thank you for teaching me that marriage is as much about the home you create as the person you choose to marry. I may never be the cleanest, most meticulous or the best home maker ever but my sentiments are heartfelt. Goodbye and goodluck G 1001-I love you.