BARFI- a tad too sweet, but served with love

I ended up watching Barfi this weekend…after panning and attempting to get tickets several times we finally managed to get seats for an evening show on Saturday and armed with caramel popcorn, coffee and coke we marched in and settled down to get entertained. Like the popcorn we were munching the movie began on a rather sweet and salty note… Barfi and his frothy love story were sliding down our throats with considerable crunch and ease, but in the end we were left with the not so nice bits that just never seemed to end…hard and difficult to chew and digest…While the movie is really long and never really aspires to be a serious take on relationships and living with people who have special needs, it makes some very pertinent points on life and perhaps the most discussed and least understood topic in the world… love... a majority of adults or even teenagers and children, may feel they have felt in love at some point of time or the other…whether its with a pet, a girlfriend, or a boyfriend, a car, a movie star…we have all felt that rush of emotion, that longing, comfort, commitment…however you would like further qualify it.. but for me what Barfi really touched upon were the aspects of love we seem to have lost with the past generation… the simplicity of it. How two complicated people can find it so simple to get along with each other…

Like Barfi and Jhilmil we are all special in our own ways.. yes their issues are perhaps more life altering but then again perhaps they are just flaws magnified for cinema…all of us have issues with ourselves and with the outside world…we are all handicapped or challenged in our unique ways.. someone can’t demonstrate affection, some of us can’t demonstrate enough, some of us can’t hear what our spouses are trying to say while others don’t want to say or can’t say what they are really feeling…and yet - more of than not- we end up finding someone who has the right shape and size or the right edges to fit into our grooves and paper up or complement the parts of us which are peeling off in an unsightly manner. I don’t know if the makers of the film intended it or not but they have found some very profound insights into what makes two people last for happily ever after…the ability to laugh together, at each other, and most importantly at one self. How sometimes it’s less important to say the right things, but to make gestures that will speak more than any store bought Archies greeting card. Barfi and Jhilmil are unable to say anything to each other but in their own odd way seem perfectly compatible.

 The only glimpse we get about the not so cheery side of life with a challenged person is when Ranbir cannot take his father to the hospital in time because he cant hear the father calling out for help. Perhaps the film makers should have spent atleast a scene or two on the practical difficulties on living with a full grown woman who needs help going to the bathroom. But it shies away from saying yes life is tough but we want to look at the bright side. Or a man who is normal as he says with respect to his other bodily functions, never missing or longing to have a normal physical relationship with a woman. Often in our movies love that goes unconsummated has been glorified while fact remains that physical intimacy is often essential to two people getting closer to each other.. especially in a marriage. Maybe the intention is to ennoble Ranbir as a hero by showing that he has no temptations whatsoever of going back to his perfectly normal ex girlfriend. Which perhaps brings me back to what I wrote somewhere in the first half of this page. Often we wonder why two seemingly perfect individuals make a disastrous couple and how a totally incompatible couple live happily ever after…strange are the dynamics of love. Barfi with its minimal dialogue, and narrative technique that oscillates between omniscient to first person narrative is unique and bold in its style and non linear presentation. While there are some magical moments,  it over simplifies everything which can get a little monotonous.

 But then again perhaps life is that simple.. we just complicate it by over analysing everything…For as we see Jhilmil follow Barfi after he has dropped her off to her Nanny’s house, we know that love is about an unshakable trust in the other person. Knowing that in this whole wide world, there is one person who cares for you unselfishly. As we see Barfi doing his litmus test of dropping the electric pole to see how the ones he loves react, Shruti very prophetically lets go of his hand proving that she is going to always worry about what is sensible, correct, practical or even right for her before her wanting to be with Barfi. Jhilmil on the other hand perhaps does not even understand what Barfi is trying to do and just stands next to him, or knows but also realises that he will not do anything to hurt her. 

Love is as much about the silences as it is about the conversation. In one my favourite books ‘The Notebook’ the protagonist says that only two people who are completely comfortable with each other can sit together in silence. They don’t need to fill up the space with conversation. While Barfi and Jhilmil have no conversation, and its largely actions games, their need for each other’s company, perhaps the relief of having someone who can understand without having to spell things out, helps them bond. Perhaps what really complicates our ‘normal’ lives is the text and subtext we keep seeking in what the other person says.. the word games and mind games we play, using conversation as a means to an end. Barfi tells us that love is something that does not require the propriety and crutches of language…it envelops you like the mists of Darjeeling in the movie. It makes you so much a part of the other person’s life, that like air, you then cant imagine a life without each other.. love is in the minuscule, the mundane and the david sized moments of our life… and in crossing the bridge everyday that grows between two people, to let the other person know that I am there, and I care.